Wednesday, January 7, 2009

What I did for my Christmas Vacation Part 2! - this is a long one so you should maybe go to the bathroom first.

Toronto was a beautiful -6 when we got there compared to the brutal -47 with windchill that I left behind. We walked around Walmart at 1am trying to find my mom various toiletry items while I waited on hold with Air Canada for an hour so I could give them my brother's address for our own personal delivery of my mom's bag when they found it. Guess if they really delivered it.

Christmas was really good. We spent Christmas Eve at my brother's in-laws with all of his wife's family which was really fun. Usually Christmas is just my mom, dad and I which is pretty much as pathetic as it sounds and was made even more pathetic when my mom and dad had to fill my stocking in lieu of me having any sort of boyfriend or what have you to do it for me which is the norm in our family, and it was really nice to have a really big celebration with lots of people and kids running around. Seriously, I'm not being sarcastic at all this time. Santa even came! But it wasn't the real Santa my niece pointed out because he was not wearing black boots and she wanted a Polly Pocket Boat and not a Barbie Car. Asshole. My 11 year old nephew was really awesome and even sat on Santa's knee and played along and didn't yell out SANTA ISN'T REAL and rip off his beard and kick him in the junk which is what I would have done. Both kids are really awesome actually. I'm looking forward to spending more time with them.

We played the Wii Fit which has you do fitness tests and then it tells you what your "Wii age" is. My dad is 59 and his Wii age was 42. Mine? 43.

My most exciting gift was a coffee maker. And I'm not kidding. It was very exciting. Because I'm odd. I hugged it and held it on my knee. When my brother got married, my favourite part of the gift opening was when they got a coffee maker. I held onto it the whole time and thought to myself, so this is why people get married. True story.

My mom finally got her bag by the way and, strangely enough, when she found out the airport had it and all we had to do was go and get it, that is the time she chose to lose her shit. My mom is also odd. I guess that's where I get it from.

After Christmas I flew to Calgary and from there drove to Whitefish to go snowboarding. For the majority of the trip I got to sit in between the car seats of my friend's two kids. I think I almost went insane. But then I didn't and my other friend, who was going to meet us there, went two hours out of his way to pick me up in Fernie because I think he sensed the desperation in my frantic texts.

The same friend, who is a boy,(hence the use of the pronoun "he")and I shared a tiny little room in a hostel type hotel which I was a bit wary of at first but it actually turned out really well. We got along great and every night before we went to bed(separate beds though don't get any ideas)we played crib and had deep conversations where he asked me questions like, 10 years ago, when you were thinking of your life, is this where you thought you would be?, and I would say things like, Did I think I would be 33 and divorced with no prospects on the horizon? No. No I did not think that. and then I would cry a little inside.

P.S. Snowboarding is hard. I fell many many times. Getting up is actually the hardest part. Every time I tried to get up I sounded, and surely looked like, I was going through labour. I am not in any shape at all. The best part though, was for my second lesson, the instructor was really hot and from North Carolina and had the sexiest accent and I sucked so bad he actually gave me one on one lessons while the other students practiced on the adult hill. After it took me 45 minutes to make it down the adult hill one time, he asked me how I thought I was doing and would I maybe feel more comfortable going back to the bunny hill? Oh yeah, and I also ran into a tree and got stuck and he had to come help me out of the snow. And by help I mean stand there and watch a 33 year old woman try to take her snowboard off in 5 feet of show under a giant Christmas tree and then try to stand up but instead fall down again. So then we went back to the bunny hill and he held my hands and tried to guide me down and I said Will you marry me when my divorce goes through on the 19th? and he said Will I?!! No. and then I fell down again.

On the second day I got whiplash.

The End.


tee said...

Snowboarding IS hard! I've tried many times and never been able to do it, and I can do most athletic things, it's not good for the ego. But cute snowboarders are fun, you can also meet them in ski lodges while you drink hot chocolate and look cute in sweaters. There's also less whiplash that way.

Working From Home Today said...

Oh my god! I'm laughing so hard. But I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time.

notquiteawake said...

It was actually pretty funny at the time. And cold. All I could think of at the time was, "my pants are SO full of snow right now".

erin said...

awesome job on the adventures!

Terri said...

I should have gone to the bathroom first.

notquiteawake said...

Did you pee your pants again? You should really see someone about that. Not me though. I fear urine.

Heathercoo said...

The first time I went snowboarding I got whiplash too!! I thought I was the only one who could manage that.

farleycat said...
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notquiteawake said...

Heathercoo! You're awesome. I am so glad I'm not the only one!