Sunday, January 24, 2010

Bridal show!

I went to my first bridal show ever this Saturday which is kind of a surprise because I've been in five bridal parties and have a lot of friends who are married and, oh yeah, was actually married myself, but I've never been to a bridal show.

For those who have never been to a bridal show, and I'm going to guess there are very few of you out there because they're pretty popular these days, a bridal show is basically a large trade show for brides.  Different vendors pay an exorbitant amount of money to set up booths in hopes that they can lure in many brides with their loud music and flashy pamphlets, to put a down payment on their services and use them for their weddings. These vendors range from the obvious like photographers to the not so obvious like strippers.  Yes, there were strippers there.  Men and women.  Unattractive men and women strippers.  Not my favorite part of the show.

We missed the fashion show which is unfortunate because I hear they are usually pretty awesome but that's ok because there was a middle aged, large-ish man dressed up in a royal green tutu costume wandering around for a reason that no one seemed to know but himself so that was pretty much worth the trip right there.

Now, for those of you who have never been to a bridal show before, it's your lucky day because I'm going to share with you the wealth of knowledge that I learned so that when you go to your first or next bridal show you can blow people away with all of your preparedness.

  1. Bring a bag to carry all the crap you're going to get.  If you're a bride to be or if you're pretending you're a bride to be, you can get a lot of stuff.  Most of that stuff is pamphlets but there are also cool wedding planners, magazines and books.  Lots of places give you bags though if you register with them and, if you're lucky like my friend, those bags will be very large and shiny gold and silver so you can never use them again with out being ridiculed.  By me.
  2. If you're not a bride to be or even a bridesmaid but are just there for the free cake, the following is the most valuable information you will ever get: Don't stand in one place for two long. Don't make eye contact with any of the vendors.  A vendor at a bridal show is like an eagle waiting for it's prey.  If you don't want 75 useless pieces of paper to take home with you, please heed my advice.
  3. Waiting in line for free cake is totally worth it.
  4. If you are a bride to be and you bring stickers with all your information on them to stick to the numerous draw ballots, your friends will make fun of you.  Even though they secretly think it's a really good idea.
  5. Don't mistakenly think there will be any other food besides cake.  Because there likely won't be.  Except maybe cookies.
  6. Don't think, just because there are a lot of bridesmaids there, many of whom are all tarted out for some reason, that there will be a lot of hot groomsmen there.  Because there won't be and you will be sadly disappointed.  Sadly.  The only men that will be there will be the grooms to be.  And they will only be there because they just recently got engaged and they think this is something that they should be doing with their bride to be to promote "togetherness" and "support".  You will never see them at another bridal show again.
  7. You can actually eat too much cake.  This was truly the hardest lesson I had to learn.  I'm pretty sure I have a cavity.
  8. Bring a coffee with you.  Because when the only coffee there is $2.50 per very small cup you will have to buy it to feed your addiction.  Unless you don't have an addiction to caffeine.  Then ignore this one.
  9. When you go check out the PARTY BUS! dance around and pretend it's really awesome and fun and you would totally love to party on a bus like this even if you're in your mid-30's and think that if you had to spend 5 more minutes on the PARTY BUS! you would likely punch someone.  And then go ask someone to please turn the music down because you CAN'T EVEN HEAR YOURSELF THINK AND WHAT IS THIS THAT THE KIDS ARE PLAYING THESE DAYS?!  THIS ISN'T MUSIC. IN MY DAY YOU COULD DANCE TO MUSIC.  AND HEAR.
  10. Two words: Comfortable. Shoes.
You're welcome.

P.S.  I must apologize to erin for not pretending I was a lesbian, dressing in a tux, and getting a picture taken. I could have really used the $50.00 but, to be honest, the vendors scared the crap out of me.


Amanda said...

This is an awesome post! I went to one bridal show when I was engaged and it was the biggest waste of time. There were lots of newly engaged brides, whereas I was getting married 5 months from the bridal show and had most of my vendors chosen. There wasn't even any cake! However, the did have a "groom room" with football and good food, so lots of guys where there. Everything else is SPOT ON.

notquiteawake said...

What?! A groom room?! Lots of guys?! No fair.

Samantha Stevens said...

The last bridal show I attended was hilarious. Notorious Toronto seduction guru "Dimitri The Lover" was cruising for chicks. He hit on my close gf who was there scoping wedding dress designs. He offered her a night of passion with a "real man" before she committed for good. He was quite smooth!!!

Lynmara said...

Thank you for reminding me of the third worst thing about being a woman.
1. Bridal showers
2. Baby showers
3. Bridal shows

Funny, though. I think baby shows would be awesome. Also, dog shows are awesome, so does it stand to reason that a dog shower would be too? Hmm. Let me do some research and report back. said...