Tuesday, May 8, 2007



First: I know I suck at posting. I've been busy at work and when I get home I don't feel like being anywhere near a computer.

Second: I feel very proud that I am playing a part in the deletion of "cheers" from many of your email vocabularies. Keep it up people. We can defeat this together.

Third: I'm having problems seeing today. It's like someone put scotch tape over my glasses as a joke....which actually happened once so don't laugh.

Fourth: We attempted to build a fence this weekend. I say attempted because as of today, there are still holes in our backyard where fence posts should be. Much to my surprise, when the snow melted this year in the yard of our newly purchased home, there was only a wide expanse of dirt. Now, with a variety of weeds sprinkled in, our yard gives the impression of extreme white-trashiness. All we need are a couple of broken bikes, a dirty stroller and a car up on cement blocks and we're set. We're also thinking of hiring out a fat man to sit on our porch without his shirt on drinking beer as a finishing touch. So, if anyone is interested, let me know.

Fifth: I'd also like to throw out there that, if you plan on building a fence, you will need to dig holes for the fence posts. This will take a long time. You will need to rent a fence post digger. It's probably a good idea to plan to get this early on in the day so your parents aren't sitting at your house waiting for you most of the morning. One of the many many differences between my husband and I is that I like to plan and he prefers to not plan in any way. You can imagine how fun this makes things.

Sixth: After you dig the hole, it is still there until you fill it with something. Filling it with your leg is not a clever option. It is more painful than clever actually.

Finally, if you tie your dog up so he can't run loose around the neighbourhood while you're building he will be fine for the entire day, until another dog walks by and then he will magically come loose. He will then decide he wants to fight the other dog and then your dream of being white trash will finally be complete. Cue fat man with beer.


Jack said...

What is the rate of pay for said "fat man drinking beer" and how much weight constitutes being labeled "fat"? I may be interested. Has this been posted on Monster.com?

notquiteawake said...

I would say that the weight of said man should be enough that he could balance a tray of tater tots on his stomach while sitting.

He would be paid in beer and admiration.

May-B said...

To truly be a white trash neighbour hood, you should also have a couch on your front lawn. Cushions are optional.

May-B said...

P.S. In 15 days, I will be your neighbour!

notquiteawake said...

Really? Cool! I could come over and borrow sugar or something. And if you ever need a big yellow dog to eat any of your bamboo items you can borrow ours!