Wednesday, September 3, 2008

You make me happy?

Today I went for a meeting at my bank after they called and told me I should definitely come in because there were many ways they could save me money. Turns out the many ways were not so much many as one. And the one way was to change my Visa into one which gives me rewards. I'm glad I woke up early for that one. She seemed taken aback when I asked if they had the kind that gives out Starbucks points as opposed to the one that gives out flight points but, whatever, I think it's cool.

Last night I had one of the worst sleeps of my entire life. I kept having frantic nightmares and waking up scared and angry and tense. I decided to throw in the towel when I woke up at 6am doubled over in stomach pain. It was at that point, while I was cursing the daylight, that I decided I really need to somehow get rid of my overbearing anger and bitterness. It's really not doing me any good.

The problem is, I don't know how. Help me please Internet Friends.

P.S. The answer is not "drink excessively". Believe me.

P.S.S. And, really, I'm not aiming to be a super happy love is a gift and we should all share in it's glory kind of person. I would just like to make it through the day without wanting to punch someone in the face or break down crying. And maybe sleep. Yeah, I would also like to sleep.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

2 years ago I committed myself to changing anything and everything that didn't make me happy. live like an irresponsible 20 something and let life take care of itself. Even if it wasn't the logical or grown up thing to do. Life was too short to feel angry and bitter and stressed, every day. Hoping that one day it would all go away. So I did something about it and I've never regretted it. Things have always worked out, often better than I could have hoped, and I don't think I could have possibly changed more major things about my life as I've changed in the past 2 years. I can breathe again. I can sleep again. And I smile every day. I hope you find what works for you, but don't be afraid to just go for it. As long as I've known you, you never have been, but maybe you're just stuck right now. Find that old person and her spirit again and you'll get back on track.

erin said...

I read Anthony Robbins "Awaken the Giant Within."

He is such a goober but it took my mind off my pitiful self.

Anonymous said...

Yesterday I was fuming. But I walked around with a smile plastered on my face and tried to use "I feel" statements. Later, I had trouble sleeping. I woke up obsessed by my anger.

Today, I went in to work and said exactly what was on my mind, to the word. It was like releasing the pressure cooker valve. I spoke it, I got passed it, I'm moving forward. And no one died.

Anything you need to get off your chest?

Anonymous said...

With all due respect to the previous responces, making yourself irresponsible may make you stress free, but it will also leave you job free and money free and house free. Telling people exactly how you feel may also result in job loss, especially knowing this person as well as I do. Your never going to live your life stress free, it's impossible. The key is learning how to only stress about things that are within your direct control. If you worry about things that are out of your control you will drive yourself crazy. Ay least if you worry about things within your range of control you can have goals and plans in mind to fix them. I find that with a plan or goal in mind it puts my brain at ease which allows me to enjoy life a little more. I know this isn't as drastic as forgetting everything and going to live in a forrest, but it's realistic. Forget about what's out of your control and learn to embrace the things that are.

notquiteawake said...

Thanks guys! I wish more of you would put your names, or at least an initial, so I know who is giving the advice. You all make really good points! I think mostly I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself.
erin, I'm going to read that book!

Heathercoo said...

I used to feel the same way too. I went to the doctor and asked for something to take the edge off but not make me a zombie or anything. He gave me a low dose of Wellbutrin and I took it for about 2 months until I noticed I was doing much better. I slowly went off of it and now I don't sweat the little stuff anymore. It was like my brain needed a break from everything it couldn't control and now doesn't bother with any of it anymore. Not sure if you are open to medications though.

Becca said...

cymbalta does wonders for me

Anonymous said...

Wellbutrin helped me as well, but it can be a little weird on it at times. Sometimes, it made my brain all tingly. However, I think it definitely helped in the long run. I was super messed up for years and although I'm by no means perfect, I'm definitely better. If you take it and you decide to stop, do it on a weekend as there's a bit of a withdrawal period.

But the thing I did that I think helped the most was to stop worrying about what other people think about or have done to me, and concentrate on making myself happier. I try to be the best person that I can be, and I am the one person that I know that I can always rely on.

You've got a lot of friends to help you through this if you want them to, and they'll also stand back and let you figure it out if that's what you need. Personally, I think you're great and hope you're able to work this out by whatever means possible.

J

Jodi - 35 and single (sigh) said...

I'm not a big stresser and I think I'm generally a fairly happy person and most of that comes from realizing that not everything is going to be perfect or go my way. If things can be changed than I find a way to do it, if it can't then I accept that it can't and work with it.
I used to think about things all the time and worry about them. But I don't anymore. If it's happened, it's happened and I just need to deal with it or move past it.
Also, and you might not like this one, alcohol and caffeine can increase stress and anxiety levels. You might feel good while it's there but the after affects aren't good. Maybe you need to slow down a little in your life too - join one or two ball teams next summer instead of 3-4 :-)and spend some time at home just relaxing, take your dog for a walk, etc.
I hate to go all granola on you but yeah man, just chill...

Working From Home Today said...

It was me who told off the world. And you know me, Not Quite Awake. Not exactly the type to lay it out like that. Man, did it feel good. And frankly, I didn't care if I got fired. I wasn't recommending it. Just sharing.

notquiteawake said...

Working, I really admire that and would like to hear more.
And everyone else, I really really appreciate all your comments. I've been reading them over and over again while I try to get my thoughts in order. They've been very helpful. Thank you all so much.

notquiteawake said...

P.S. I have made a pretty big decision. Now I just have to work out the details. I'll keep you all posted.