Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Yes! No! What?

For the past few months I've been eagerly counting down the weeks until I move to Toronto. I even have a homemade tear-away sticky note pad with one less week on each sheet. Every Monday I remove a sheet which makes Mondays feel better than the the way they normally feel. Much less impending doom.

No matter what happened in those months, I would always reassure myself that I made the right decision and that I am moving to Toronto no matter what happens and no matter what anyone says. I had made my decision. I would not veer away from my destiny.

And then I panicked. And stared to veer.

I am broke. I have literally no savings. Last Thursday before payday I had $52.00 in my bank account. Not only that, I have money on both my credit cards and on my line of credit.

I figured that I would likely get a job before I went but apparently we're going through a "recession" or something and the job offers are not flying in. I've applied for probably about 60 jobs and I've gotten one response. That response did lead to an interview for a job I would love but it turns out that now all new hirings are now "on hold" until the new year.

So, that's awesome.

Add to that, an extremely expensive snowboarding trip over New Years that was planned BEFORE I intended on moving, and you have yourself a perfect recipe for no sleep and an ulcer.

Did you know it costs a lot of money to move to Toronto? Yes it does.

So, back to the panicking. I emailed my snowboarding companion saying that OH MY GOD I MAYBE CAN'T COME BECAUSE I'M POOR AND CAN THEY FIND SOMEONE TO TAKE MY PLACE BECAUSE I'M POOR AND MOVING AND POOR AND CRYING A BIT RIGHT NOW. She said it should be fine but maybe I should think about it. So I did.

Then I phoned my brother and said OH MY GOD I'M SO POOR AND MAYBE WON'T MOVE UNTIL SUMMER BECAUSE THERE ARE NO JOBS AND A RECESSION AND I HAVE TO SELL MY HOUSE AND LOSE MONEY AND NO ONE LOVES MY DOG AND HE SHEDS AND MAYBE IT'S BETTER TO STAY HERE AND CONTINUE TO WORK AT THE JOB I HAVE BECAUSE AT LEAST IT'S A JOB RIGHT BUT IT'S NOT FOR SURE SO PLEASE DON'T HATE ME OK?

And he was sad but he understood.

So than I decided that I would wait to hear from this job and if I got the job I would go and if I didn't I would stay until summer. And then the job decided it was on hold. So THEN I decided I would make my OWN god damn decision based on what I wanted to do so there! Money and common sense be damned!

So I'm going. In February as originally planned. AND I'm going on the snowboarding trip. So there.

My brother thinks I have mental problems.

He's probably right.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you should stay. Not because you're broke and not because you don't have a job. I think you should stay because you have amazing friends who love you and want the best for you.

notquiteawake said...

That's very true anonymous. I really have to do this though. I need to get away for a while. That's not to say I will never come back though. I always seem to!

Terri said...

At least you don't have a cocaine addiction!

erin said...

be brave!

Anonymous said...

Change is scary and there's always a moment of panic before going through with it. Hence Runaway Brides! Totally normal. But most people never look back after they make the leap. Being stuck in a rut forever is no way to live...and you can always come back if it gets to be too much. This isn't an undoable change.

Corie said...

I think you've made the right decision and should go! Otherwise, who's couch would I crash on when I go to T.O? Now, just in case you want advice from someone else...
"The best way to predict your future is to create it." ~Abraham Lincoln

notquiteawake said...

Great advice Corie or, I guess, Abraham. Thanks!

Courtney said...

I think it's very brave of you for going. And that's a good thing. I know I'd have a hell of a hard time packing up and going without knowing what would meet me on the other side - but it sounds so amazing.

Good luck!

notquiteawake said...

Thanks for your support guys!

Sourpuss said...

No matter what happens, it's better to look back and know you took the leap. As we get older and get more responsiblities these kinds of life-changing opportunities become fewer. Grab the ring while you can!