For the past few months I've been eagerly counting down the weeks until I move to Toronto. I even have a homemade tear-away sticky note pad with one less week on each sheet. Every Monday I remove a sheet which makes Mondays feel better than the the way they normally feel. Much less impending doom.
No matter what happened in those months, I would always reassure myself that I made the right decision and that I am moving to Toronto no matter what happens and no matter what anyone says. I had made my decision. I would not veer away from my destiny.
And then I panicked. And stared to veer.
I am broke. I have literally no savings. Last Thursday before payday I had $52.00 in my bank account. Not only that, I have money on both my credit cards and on my line of credit.
I figured that I would likely get a job before I went but apparently we're going through a "recession" or something and the job offers are not flying in. I've applied for probably about 60 jobs and I've gotten one response. That response did lead to an interview for a job I would love but it turns out that now all new hirings are now "on hold" until the new year.
So, that's awesome.
Add to that, an extremely expensive snowboarding trip over New Years that was planned BEFORE I intended on moving, and you have yourself a perfect recipe for no sleep and an ulcer.
Did you know it costs a lot of money to move to Toronto? Yes it does.
So, back to the panicking. I emailed my snowboarding companion saying that OH MY GOD I MAYBE CAN'T COME BECAUSE I'M POOR AND CAN THEY FIND SOMEONE TO TAKE MY PLACE BECAUSE I'M POOR AND MOVING AND POOR AND CRYING A BIT RIGHT NOW. She said it should be fine but maybe I should think about it. So I did.
Then I phoned my brother and said OH MY GOD I'M SO POOR AND MAYBE WON'T MOVE UNTIL SUMMER BECAUSE THERE ARE NO JOBS AND A RECESSION AND I HAVE TO SELL MY HOUSE AND LOSE MONEY AND NO ONE LOVES MY DOG AND HE SHEDS AND MAYBE IT'S BETTER TO STAY HERE AND CONTINUE TO WORK AT THE JOB I HAVE BECAUSE AT LEAST IT'S A JOB RIGHT BUT IT'S NOT FOR SURE SO PLEASE DON'T HATE ME OK?
And he was sad but he understood.
So than I decided that I would wait to hear from this job and if I got the job I would go and if I didn't I would stay until summer. And then the job decided it was on hold. So THEN I decided I would make my OWN god damn decision based on what I wanted to do so there! Money and common sense be damned!
So I'm going. In February as originally planned. AND I'm going on the snowboarding trip. So there.
My brother thinks I have mental problems.
He's probably right.