Friday, April 3, 2009

Learning to run and cheating death

Yesterday I planned out the route that I'm going to take my Learn to Run group on. The course is 8 weeks and that 8 weeks is divided into stages where you do intervals of walking and running. The first stage is more walking, the second stage is less walking etc. The last stage is all running. The theory is to work your way up to being able to run for 20 to 30 minutes. And by run I mean jog slowly because that's basically what I do.

So, yesterday I did the first stage and the last stage to see how far we could actually get when there was no walking. It was a pretty good run. Mostly because I got lost. This happens to me often. Usually when I get lost I like to scream obscenities but usually I get lost in my car so no one hears them but me. It turns out that yelling FUCK while you're running in a residential neighbourhood is quite a bit different than yelling it in your car. Slightly more embarrassing. However, this was not the most embarrassing part of my run.

As I was nearing the end of my route I started walking to cool down before I got back to the gym. I was running around a park so there were a lot of geese in the vicinity and I guess I pissed one off somehow, or perhaps it was frightened by the redness of my face, because it started hissing at me and it was really loud and a bit frightening so I said out loud, I'm not going to hurt you goose, because it could understand me somehow and that must have pissed it off even more because THEN it started chasing me. And I was like, holy fuck a goose is chasing me. So I ran a bit because, to be honest, I was scared. There were two of them so, really, they could probably team up and inflict quite a bit of damage if they wanted to. I don't know how exactly, maybe with their beaks, but jesus the sound that was coming out of that guy. I don't know what the hell was going on in there. And I didn't want to stick around to see if some kind of alien baby head was going to come out.

So, basically, I ran a bit further than I intended because a goose was chasing me. I'm pretty fast though so it didn't catch me. I shudder to think what would have happened if it did.


erin said...


You tell stories SO WELL!

Maybe that's the key to turning these people from walkers to runners. Spray them with a scent that geese like before the outings, and then it's like "if you don't run, you die."

(ps---i made that up because can geese even smell? and what would the scent be...garbage?)

erin said...

pps---i realized also i am confusing geese with seagulls.

this is why i stay at the Hilton when my friends go camping.

May-B said...

Seriously. I would learn to run JUST to be with you when you're chased by geese.