One of my favorite bloggers, Imnotbenny, tagged me in a meme which has one list 5 reasons why they think they are sexy. My first impulse was to pretend I didn't see it because in my entire life I have never even considered using the word sexy to describe myself in any way. But then I thought, hey, pretty much everything I say is sarcastic so I'm going to follow through on this challenge using the subtle form of humor, sarcasm. Or "the devil's humor" as my Grandma likes to call it. So, basically, if you're learning impaired, these are really 5 reasons why I think I'm not sexy. But I'm saying that I am. Because I'm being sarcastic. Get it? And I'm supposed to copy and paste a funny picture but I don't know how to do that so just go to his website and check it out there. He's funny so it will be worth it. Anyway, without further adieu:
5 reasons why I'm "sexy"
1) I swear more than anyone I know, guy or girl. Nothing is sexier than a woman opening her mouth and fucking douchebag falling out.
2)I can't eat without spilling on myself. What says sexy more than a dirty shirt? Nothing. The last time I was with a guy and things were getting a little, you know, intense, he took off my bra and a Shreddie and two pieces of corn fell out. I'm totally kidding that never happened. I can't actually remember the last time I was with a guy.
3)I constantly make jokes about how little I'm having sex. Except they're not jokes. Self deprecation is incredibly sexy.
4)I'm an avid reader and I once belonged to a book club. Hot. One time some guys from my ball team were going out for drinks and they phoned and asked if I wanted to come and I said I couldn't because I was going to my book club and they were all, you are going to your what? and I'm all, pub crawl. I'm going on a pub crawl.
5)I say words like "avid". S-E-X-Y!
So, now my friends, it is my turn to do the tagging. And I will tag the following 5 blogs because they are awesome which makes them sexy by default: