Me: Other than being sore all the time? No...not really. What should I be looking for?
Trainer: Well, your butt should start getting bigger...we're really working your glutes.
Me: What? I don't want my butt to get bigger at all.
Trainer: No, we're going to actually GIVE you a butt.
Me: I have a butt. I like my butt. It's fine.
Trainer: Before we started working you had a really flat butt.
Me: What? No. Really? Oh. So, will my pants start fitting differently? Will I have to buy new pants?
Trainer: Yeah, they'll probably be a bit tighter. You haven't noticed them being tighter?
Me: Well, I mostly just wear yoga pants so, no. That doesn't really seem fair.
Trainer: What doesn't?
Me: I start training and my butt gets bigger and my boobs get smaller. That's kind of a rip off.
Trainer: What?! Why are your boobs getting smaller?
Me: Because god hates me and when I lose weight that's where I lose it from?
Trainer: You shouldn't really be losing weight though. Why do you think your boobs are getting smaller?
Me: My sports bra is looser.
Trainer: Not quite awake! Your boobs aren't getting smaller! You're losing that extra fat in your back! You're toning. That's a good thing. If anything, your boobs should look better because we're building your pecs.
Me: Oh. Well, ok. That sounds better. Can we just pretend we didn't spend 10 minutes talking about my boobs?
Trainer: No, I'm totally telling everyone this.
Me: Alright then.
** ** **
So the guy I've been talking to on eharmony can't spell and it's beginning to drive me a bit nuts. I KNOW I shouldn't be so picky and I KNOW I'm not the best speller in the world but COME ON. In his last email he said that it was cool that I taught English in Chilly. In CHILLY. No, actually I taught English in a COUNTRY not in a TEMPERATURE DESCRIPTOR. I'm going to give him a chance though because he also told me that he wasn't going to send me a picture of his junk and I thought that was funny. Junk is funny. Plus he seems like a really cool guy and works with troubled youths and stuff.
I will, however, end all contact if he says LOL one more time.
I will be alone forever.