Thursday, July 16, 2009

Why I'm a freak.

So, my friend Imnotbenny, who is one of the funniest bloggers of all time probably, gave me this award:

And it's an old lady who has just recently picked her nose I guess so, ok. I'm honored? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel here. I'm going to go with honored. Because it is an award after all. And all awards are good.
So, anyways, as part of the award I'm supposed to list three things that I'm obsessed about. But I'm not really obsessed with anything or anyone so I'm going to write things I'm obsessIVE about AND I'm going to do 4 instead of 3 because I'm such a bad ass and don't make rules but BREAK them. Oh yeah. So, without further adieu:
Four things I'm obsessive about(0r)Why I'm a freak(or)Why I will be single forever
1)Sleeping arrangements
I used to be a chronic insomniac. (Fun fact: This blog was initially supposed to be a blog for insomniacs where we could swap stories and tips, and then I realized after my first few posts that it really really sucked. So I wrote about my asshole dog instead. And look what happened! I've won an award!) Anyways, I'm not so much an insomniac anymore but I still have frequent bouts of sleeplessness and, for that reason, some things have to be a certain way before I can fall asleep. I have to have a fan or some sort of white noise emitter going at all times because pretty much any other noise will wake me up. Any noise. Car horns, breathing, thinking. Anything. Also any movement of any kind. Plus I can't have anything touching me. Except the sheets or blankets. Which can't be messed up. I'm pretty much a huge treat to spend the night with. Huge.
2)Bare feet
I have a very hard time walking around in bare feet. It takes me a very long time and many weeks of cleaning to be comfortable walking around in bare feet anywhere, even my own place. I don't like touching my bare foot down in a change room. I don't like walking around in bare feet outside. I saw someone in the gym today walking around in her bare feet in the bathroom. I almost lost my mind.
3)Dirty bathrooms
There are few things in this world that disgust me more than a dirty bathroom. Warning: If you ever invite me to your house I will notice how clean your bathroom is. I actually have dreams, quite frequently in fact, about really having to pee and going into public washrooms that are in such a disgusting state that it would pain me to describe them. I wish I was joking.
I lived in a house once that was horribly infested with mice. We lived there for about 6 months and, in that time, we killed probably 25-30 mice. And by "we" I mean my ex husband. Before he moved to Canada and I lived on my own, I would lay awake at night, listening to them in my walls, and almost driving myself insane thinking about where they were, what they were doing, and what I would do if I saw one. Because of my intense internet research, I had actually at one point convinced myself that there were some in my mattress. I slept very little as you can imagine. Thankfully, I never actually saw a mouse because, once my husband got there, I made him deal with it all but, to this day, whenever I hear a noise I think OH FUCK THERE'S A MOUSE IN HERE and I freak out for a minute until I figure out what the noise was. I actually have to force myself to not check out everything I see on the floor to see if it is a mouse dropping. I have become quite adept at identifying them by the way. I now live in constant fear that the house I live in will become infested and I'll have to deal with them all by myself. It almost makes me want to get married again. Just to have someone to take care of the mice. Almost.
So there you have it. Had you guessed at my freakishness? Unless you know me really well, probably not. Because, the good part is, I am well aware of the things I obsess about and that it's probably not entirely healthy so I take great pains to overcome them and, failing that, hiding them really well from others. But now the gig is up I guess.
You are now free to mock.
Oh, and I give the award to:
A Mandolyn and Ky(although it's pretty clear what they obsess about is boys)


LynnieC said...

Dude, I am so the same way about bathrooms. I once started crying in a McDonalds because it was SO disgusting and I had to pee SO badly, but I couldn't so it so I left.

Also, for reals. WE LOVE BOYS. My other things would be Harry Potter and So You Think You Can Dance, but that can be summed up by saying "BOYS!!!"

LynnieC said...

Crap, couldn't DO it, not couldn't SO it. I don't even know what that means.

notquiteawake said...

Lyn, you're awesome and I miss you.

LynnieC said...

I miss you too!! September! September!!