I know I said that I would post about the top five shitholes that I've lived in but I realized that I don't really have five good shithole-type stories. What I do have, however, are five good apartment themed stories so that's what I'll count down. And by five I mean three. So, basically I'm a giant liar.
#3 - Tub o' shit
I've moved many times during my long and exciting life and, because I am often poor, many of the apartments I've lived in are in the "transitional areas" of the cities in which I reside. And when I say "transitional" I'm being very generous.
One such place was in an area in my home town that had been transitioning for about 15 years when I moved there and I'm pretty sure that even today, everyone who currently owns property in that area is still eagerly awaiting for the transition to occur. To them I say, good luck.
The apartment building I lived in was actually quite nice. It was a low rise right across from the hospital and the street I lived on was not that bad. The apartment itself was big and clean and well maintained. I thought I had gotten a pretty good deal.
One day, after living there a couple of months, I heard a slight gurgle coming from the tub after flushing the toilet. "Hm," I thought.
The next day I came home to find that my tub was full of shit. Real shit.
I called my landlord.
"Hi, it's #212. There appears to be, um, shit in my tub......No, like actual shit.....and it also appears that my toilet won't flush.....right.....can you have someone come take a look and clean it up?......yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do that....great, thanks."
So, some plumbers came in cleaned the pipes out or whatever and the building manager cleaned out the tub and everything was a-ok.
Until the next day when I came home from work to find my door open and the building manager on her hands and knees once again scrubbing out my tub.
"Hi!," she says. "Don't worry! I used bleach and everything this time!"
"Yeah, it was pretty gross. It actually overflowed onto your floor!"
"Yeah, you might want to get a new bath mat. Ha!"
That is not even close to being fucking funny.
"It's all clean now though! You shouldn't have any problems. It's all fixed up!"
Aaaaand.....wait for it....it wasn't.
So, the next time it happened I phoned my landlord in a rage, giving my notice and demanding that they reimburse me for my ruined bath mat and shower curtain.
Which they didn't do.
** ** **
So, currently, this is where the apartment situation stands:
I found a great apartment which is awesome and within my price range so I put down a deposit to hold it until November 1st. However, my landlord is an asshole and is refusing to acknowledge any emails or phone messages of complaint about the noise upstairs and the fact that I feel I was mislead when he told me the apartment was quiet. One of my clients who works at a law firm told me that he is doing that deliberately because any admission of reception of the emails and phone messages of complaint could be an admission of negligence on his part and, if I don't have any proof of the noise or of him telling me that the place was quiet, he can still hold me to my lease until the end of March if I don't find someone to take my place. And he can continue to cash my post dated cheques and, even if I cancel the cheques, legally charge me if I leave. He did, however, respond immediately to my email asking that if I found a person would they have to sign a years lease. The answer is yes. Douche. Bag.
So basically, because I jumped the gun on my potential new place and paid the deposit because there really isn't a lot out there, if I can't find anyone to take my place here, I'm totally fucked. And not in a good way. It's never in a good way.
But on a positive note, my lunch today is delicious.
Take THAT landlord.