Friday, September 11, 2009

No, I would not like some cheese with my whine but thanks anyways.

So about a month ago I wrote this post about how I become a raging bitch every month and how that almost got me killed by a psycho, and then I was thinking that maybe I should go back on the pill because way back when the sex was actually happening and I was taking birth control, I remember that my monthly symptoms were far less intense. And then also, as a bonus, I could go out and have all the sex I wanted without worrying about anything. What a good time that sounded like. Who wouldn't want to have unprotected sex with strangers all the time? Am I right?

Yeah.

So, anyways, I started taking them a couple of weeks ago and, since then, have felt like total crap. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning and all day I'm an exhausted mess. I had initially thought I was coming down with something but I can't help now but notice the coincidence. The worst part is that when I train with my trainer I have had to start stopping mid-exercise and taking breaks and that never happens. I will generally push myself to a puking point if needed and, believe me, that has almost happened on numerous occasions. It could be that I'm in a particular phase of my training that is the hardest phase of all time, but I think that's only part of it. Yesterday, she had me doing this asinine circuit that had me walking on my hands in a push up position dragging my feet behind me on weight plates(what the fuck, I know)and half way through I just collapsed and lay on the ground face down while all the ladies on the treadmills turned around and watched, and my trainer said, "Oh. Ok. So, which part did you find the hardest there?" and I said, "WHICH PART? ALL OF THE PARTS. I FOUND ALL OF THE PARTS HARD. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" So we stopped that one.

So, now what do I do? Stop taking it? Never had sex again? And don't say try another one because I've probably tried them all at some point and this one was the best. Of course, it never made me feel like this. Or maybe I just didn't notice because all of the sex I was having. HA! No.

I think what I'm going to do is wait it out for a few months, which is the time it takes your body to get accustomed to hormone changes I'm told, and see what happens then. Until then, it should be a real treat to be around me. Even more than normal. May-B, next weekend at your wedding if I turn into a weeping puddle on the floor please just try to ignore me. It might help to just give me some cake at the door.

You men out there don't know how good you have it sometimes. Seriously.

I'm sure glad my parents don't read this anymore.

4 comments:

May-B said...

And then I almost peed a little. Okay, a lot. I will put someone on cake detail for you. No worries. It took me a long time to find the right pill and, even then, I'm still a puddle of tears. I wish I had advice, but mostly I just have inane pleasure at your pain. Hope that's okay.

Wanderer said...

Damn it, someone get the woman some cake!! I'm sensing a theme to your Twitter/FB/Blog updates this week.

Don't "they" say it takes 3 months to become accustomed to the change in hormones, whether going on or off the pill?

Imnotbenny said...

If all I can contribute to your post is hearty laughter at the image of you pulling yourself through the gym with weights on your feet, I should probably not comment and keep that to myself, right?

This is SO why I avoid taking the pill.

I bet you'll laugh at that last part in two months.

dayna said...

well you can either remove your ovaries or sew your vagina shut