Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas and Junk

First off, it's freezing here. Apparently living in Ontario has made me into a sucky little princess because I would just as soon stay inside than do anything else thank you very much. I've been lucky enough that most of my friends here offer to come and pick me up when we go out because I am not enjoying having to go out in a skidoo suit and balaclava to warm up the car and shovel off the 7 feet of snow that seems to constantly be covering it, no matter how many times I sweep it off. But we did have a white Christmas so I guess that's something. Back home it rained so I win that round my friends.

Christmas was pretty awesome though. I got to hang out with many of my friends and spent lots of time with Mom and Dad. My family has a bunch of long standing traditions so we always have a lot of fun whether it's celebrated with my brother and his family or it's just my parents and myself which it was this year.

Christmas Eve is my favorite. Every year my Mom and I watch some hokey Hallmark Christmas movie and every year my Mom can predict the outcome way before me but THIS year at the beginning of the movie, which was about this woman who has to hitchhike to Aspen to marry this Italian dude, and the lady just happened to be Jennifer Grey and I was like, "Jennifer Grey, what happened to you? Why are you in this lame ass made for TV movie?" and then I made a "No one puts baby in a corner" joke and no one got it and I was like, "Dirty Dancing? Hello?" and my Mom's like "What?" and I'm like, "Forget it. I don't even know you anymore.” Anyways, right off the start of the movie I said that wouldn't it be awesome if the Italian dude turned out to be gay and sleeping with his male assistant? And my Mom's like, "Yeah right," but THEN at the end of the movie, Jennifer Grey shows up in Aspen and walks in on the Italian dude in bed with someone and it IS the male assistant! So I was all like, YES! I'M THE BEST AT PREDICTING HOMOSEXUALITY IN LAME ASS MOVIES!" and my Mom was so in awe of my greatness that, in between literal squeals of laughter she actually high fived me. It was the best Christmas movie moment ever.

Except it wasn't the best Christmas movie moment ever because that happened when we were watching another hokey Hallmark movie and this one had Steve from the old Beverly Hills 90210 series in it who still is probably one of the worst actors of all time and, at the end of the movie, he finds out his wife is giving birth to a baby boy and he yells out "Touchdown Jesus!" I'm not even kidding. What does that even mean? Regardless, from that point on, whenever something good happened either my Mom or I would yell "Touchdown Jesus!" and then high five. I guess this year is the Christmas of high fives. And blasphemy.

Today we went boxing day shopping for some reason and we went to Homesense to get this ottoman that my parents wanted and my Dad, at first, tried to carry it but realized it was too awkward so he put it in a cart but didn't actually put it IN the cart like most people would have done but put it ON the cart. Lengthwise. And then tried to push it through the checkout aisle which wasn't actually wide enough surprisingly and people were trying to pay for their stuff or, at least, wait in line but had to keep alternately moving out of the way so my Dad wouldn't hit them, and bending over to pick up all the stuff that my Dad kept knocking off the shelves, and then finally I was like, "Dad. Look what I can do." And I picked up the ottoman and put it in the cart so he could actually move forward without making the cashier start crying. And then everyone in line breathed a sigh of relief because they thought the line would actually start moving forward until my Mom, while she was paying, sent her wallet flying across the counter and, along with it, about $15.00 worth of change. I figured, before we left, I should probably break something just so we could ensure our place in the "families that everyone wants to kill on boxing day" hall of fame but I decided instead to just put my hood on and go outside.

And to finish off this post, I will leave you all with some very helpful Christmas advice: If you happen to look in the mirror this week and wonder why your face has started to break out because that never really happens, it's not because the air is drier here which is what you'll originally think, no, it's actually BECAUSE OF THE 800 COOKIES YOU'VE EATEN SINCE YOU'VE GOTTEN HERE. You pig.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!


Anonymous said...

Hey Jamie,

Touchdown Jesus is a mural at the University of Notre Dame, that shows Jesus making what seems to be the touchdown symbol with his arms. I have a pretty sweet picture of me in front of it.... I really don't get the idea of shouting it out after my wife gives birth, but I might try it next time!


notquiteawake said...

Thanks Luke! I had no idea it was actually a thing. I think I'm going to look into it more. I guess I should if I'm going to be constantly saying it to the point of annoying everyone around me.