And while I'm pretty sure this is not the secret key to rapid weight loss, it's definitely a learning experience and that's what we're all after here right? To learn? Through eating desserts? I thought so.
Unfortunately what I'm learning is that I'm not very good. Some things turn out really well (Red Velvet Cupcakes, Toffee Cake Squares, Banana Cream Pie), some things need some work on the aesthetics but still taste pretty good(Blackberry Custard Pie) and some things that are supposed to be White Chocolate Cupcakes for my bosses birthday actually turn out to be White Chocolate Hockey Pucks that I'm pretty sure people just ate out of pity. Lesson learned: Some recipes should not be doubled. Lesson also learned: I need to buy more things. I'm fairly certain that now that I have a new double broiler, super cool whisk and tart tin, things should work out fine.
I'm also fairly certain that pastry is my nemesis. I have not yet made good pastry. That is now my new life goal. And to buy new pants.
Anyways, the point of this post is not to talk about my ever expanding midsection and my complete lack of motivation to do anything about it other than try to will it away. No, the point of this post is, now that I'm a professional baker, to share with you my most recent creation.
Before I share with you this recipe, let be give you a bit of back story. In my dessert book there are also "savory" recipes to try and, seeing as it is my lifelong goal to overcome my nemesis(pastry: see above) I decided to make these little beef and potato pastry pocket things. Sort of like Pizza Pops but way more awesome and classy.
So, without further adieu, here for your own enjoyment is my recipe for, what I like to call, Garbage Can Pie. If you decide to try it please leave your experience in the comments!
Garbage Can Pie
Ingredients: Many expensive food items
- Carefully read pastry recipe to ensure an error free experience.
- Decide to use flour that you haven't used in probably a year.
- Find bugs in flour.
- Throw flour out.
- Almost throw up.
- Decide, on second thought, to use the flour you just recently purchased.
- Make pastry.
- Feel really cool and professional using your new pastry cutter to cut the dry ingredients into the wet.
- Notice that the dough is quite a bit more wet than it usually is even before you add the required water but decide that's probably the way it's supposed to be and ignore it.
- Put dough in fridge to chill.
- Make beef and potato filling.
- Take dough out of fridge and attempt to roll into 4 "dinner plate" sized circles.
- Give up because the dough is oddly very sticky and will not lift up off the counter no matter how much flour you add.
- Decide to roll it out into two thicker circles and make one giant meat pie.
- Marvel at the beauty of the pie.
- Put pie in oven
- Wonder why pastry is bubbling and dripping into bottom of oven.
- Put cookie sheet under pie to catch drips even though it's really far too late for that.
- Cook for an hour.
- Check pie.
- Wonder why crust isn't cooking at all.
- Cook for another hour.
- Check pie.
- Realize that you did something horribly wrong because crust is still soft and also oddly runny.
- Decide to scoop out inside of pie and cook in frying pan.
- Decide to call your new creation "Frying Pan Pie"
- Congratulate yourself on inventing a new dish!
- Take a bite.
- Equate that bite to eating a mouthful of pure lard.
- Spit it out.
- Check the ingredients again and realize you accidentally doubled not only the lard but, somehow, also the butter.
- Throw everything in the garbage.
- Eat pizza pops.
- Congratulate yourself on probably the most epic fail of your baking career.
- Go to bed.
In hindsight, this probably is a pretty good weight loss strategy. Maybe I'm on to something.