Tuesday, April 17, 2007

No regrets

I went to a bridal shower a few weeks ago and one of the cool things they did was to have you write your address on a thank you card envelope to decrease the workload of the bride. Clever. However, in the short time between the shower and when I got the card I had forgotten this clever idea and after receiving the card, spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out why I had sent myself a card and why I couldn't remember sending it. Had I sent myself a note from the future? What was my future self trying to warn my present self? Then I remembered and felt quite stupid and was very glad that I was the only one at home at the time.

This got me to thinking. If I could, what would I warn my past self not to do. I came up with this list. It's short, but only for the reason that my parents read this blog. (Hi Mom!)

1. When racing your brother to the house in the middle of winter, don't push him in an effort to win. His face will hit the door and the sight of his tooth flying out of his mouth will make you cry harder than him. And he will never forget it. Never.

2. Tequila shots are never a good idea. (Hi Dad!)

3. When your friend throws you a birthday party at her apartment, don't get drunk and leave for the bar with all your friends. a) Because you will look like a selfish bitch and, b)Yeah, that's pretty much it.

4. Your tongue really will stick to a metal pole in winter. And it will hurt. And it will bleed.

5. Dating two fellow employees right after another will make people think you are the office slut. And then the real office slut will get mad.

I'd be interested to hear what you guys would warn your past selves about. And you don't have to censor yourselves as I doubt your parents read my blog....or do they....

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