Crushing

I was reading a post on my new favourite blog about crushes so I decided that, rather than have an original creative thought, I would steal hers.

I have had many crushes over the years. I find it very easy to develop a crush on someone who is totally unattainable. Much easier then being attracted to someone who I actually have a chance with. I'm sure that says something about my "issues" or "baggage" or something but whatever.

My first crush was on a small boy named Tim Elliot. I was also small, don't be gross. It was grade one and he had given me some rabbit themed nickname because I had a fake fur winter coat. I wrote him indecipherable love songs, which I believe I still have, and he chased me around the playground. He moved away at the end of the year and I was very sad. I remember writing him letters years later and sending them to every Elliot in the phone book. I never received a response.

Almost every grade after contained a boy I had a crush on. Grade two crush gave me a ring I'm pretty sure he stole from his mom. Sadly, after grade two, I turned into a very awkward ugly child. My crushes never returned my undying love. I didn't really help things though. I was loud and bossy. I often got detentions for talking too much in grade four. I swore and lipped off in grades five and six. Girls who guys had crushes on just didn't act like that. They were pretty and quiet and had nice hand writing. I still don't have nice hand writing.

In grade seven I had a crush on this beautiful blond boy whose name escapes me at the moment. I think it may have started with "J". During an outdoor gym class I accidentally hit a line drive into his crotch. That was pretty much the end of that romance. From then on I alternately hung out with the girl who pretended she was pregnant and the guy who had an imaginary friend. I would sometimes watch their imaginary wrestling matches. I was very popular.

In high school I completely reverted to a super shy soft spoken geek. It was an amazing transformation. I kept my head down when I walked down the hall. I never answered questions in class. My crush was named Sean. He was nice and funny and very popular. I loved him all through high school. By grade twelve I had come out of my shell somewhat and he even talked to me a couple of times. Those were probably the only high school days I enjoyed.

The life I live and enjoy now pretty much started my first day of University. I decided I had had enough of this being quiet and unpopular shit and was determined to be outgoing. I forced myself to answer questions in class and I always looked up and smiled at people in the hallways. Surprisingly, it worked. I turned into the exact opposite of the person I was in high school. Guys even started to like me. And, best of all, I started to like myself. My Mom always told me that people would start liking me when I started liking myself. Who knew she would be right? My crowning moment was when my high school crush tried to pick me up at the bar. It was awesome. Of course, I told him that NO I did not drink that horrible alcohol at ALL and you are a STRANGER and I just don't talk to strangers at the bar. That is exactly how it went. Right Dad?

In University, my friend and I would nickname our crushes so that, on the odd chance they would overhear us talking, they wouldn't know we were talking about them. We had crushes on Stats Man and Math Man and, my favourite, Nice Ass Man. It was true. It still is true.

Now I basically develop crushes on either married men or boys six years younger than me. It's a good mix. Crushes are more fun when you know you don't have a chance in hell of ever hooking up. If there is that slight chance, I'm usually scared off. My goal is to never have a serious relationship to someone I am actually really attracted to.

That's healthy right?