Friday, January 30, 2009

The Curious Case of Gran Torino or Why I should never write movie reviews

Let me start off by saying that I had wanted to go to one of the movies that was nominated for best picture but, seeing as the city I'm living in is only playing ONE of those movies and my friend didn't really want to see that one, we went to see Gran Torino. And also, SPOILER ALERT.

Secondly, I fucking hated the movie.


a) Not one person in the movie had any acting ability at all, including Clint Eastwood. I think, with the exception of Mr. Eastwood himself, that they must have just approached people in a food court and asked them if they wanted to be in a movie. Brutal.

b)Script anyone?

c)An uncomfortable amount of racial slurs. More than I have ever heard in my life. I guess the idea behind this was that they were all said by Clint Eastwood who was racist but also old so it was not only ok, but also funny. Or not.

d)The idea, which is that Mr. Eastwood is an old man who is a racist asshole because of the war or something, befriends this Asian kid who is a specific kind of Asian kid but I forget what kind and I'm too lazy to Google it, and he realizes that all the specific kind of Asian people who live in his neighbourhood really aren't that bad after all and they're united by fighting a gang, is a pretty decent, yet predictable idea, except for the gang part, but at the end he is still pretty much an asshole but maybe just a bit less of one and I'm not that convinced he really learned anything.

e)There was a lady behind us who kept calling out the slow moving plot points to her partner and at the end, when Clint has his final face off with the gang and he's probably going to kill himself by a bomb or something maybe which I thought would be exiting, but really he's unarmed and he makes the gang shoot him because there are so many witnesses and the lady yells out that the gang is going to be put in jail forever so he finally got his revenge! and I thought that she was pretty fucking stupid because as if the gang would just wait around until the police got there so they could be arrested.

d)That was the end.

But, I guess you shouldn't take my word for it because, so far, I'm the only person I know who has seen this movie and absolutely hated it so maybe go see it if you want.

I think this is probably the best movie review ever written.


Sourpuss said...

That does it for me - no need to see it. I went with a friend to "New in Town" last week - pretty freaking funny actually. Take any chick flick and stir in Fargo and you have it. I love those Minnesota accents.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god do you realize this is just like Seinfeld when Elaine goes to the English Patient and HATES IT!!!! Everyone one around her is saying what a great movie it is and she losses her friends, her boyfriend, and when her boss forces her to go see it he fires her.. Crap your life is sooo exciting... Lynnnette