Saturday, March 28, 2009

What would jesus do?

It's so painful when I haven't posted for a while and then I decide I should probably post something and then I have to try to remember where I left off and how the hell I'm going to post something that both encompasses all the exciting things that have been happening to me since I last wrote and also entertains. Sometimes I just resort to bullet points but that's just plain lazy and not very entertaining at all. What I'm trying to say is, I'm doing a hell of a lot of work for you guys right now what with all the thinking and the organizing of my thoughts. You should be very grateful. Very grateful indeed.

Wouldn't it be funny if I was all, now I have a boyfriend who is so awesome and buys me things and doesn't smell and I have a great job that pays me an INSANE amount of money and I sold my house for WAY more than I paid for it. Yeah. That would be funny. It would also be false.

I just noticed a new little tabby thing on top of my blog template. Monetize. What the fuck does that mean? I would click on it to find out but I'm too scared all of this golden material I've just written would be somehow erased so I'm left to just wonder.

Anyways, I do, in fact, have a great job so that's good right!!? Well, actually it's a job that has the potential to be great if it doesn't beat the living shit out of me first. WHOA! BACK UP right? Ok. So, I got the personal trainer job and I'm really happy and pumped about it. It's a really great job. I get to wear sweats and yoga pants every day, I make my own hours, I work with really great people, I get to use the gym for free, and, the best part is, I get to work out and learn about fitness and nutrition which I love so it's a really good deal.

I am also so completely overwhelmed. When I had the interview, my(now)boss said, but you don't have any experience and I said, yeah but I'm awesome, because I thought that all of my years of working out and running and learning about healthy things would really be enough for a good strong base and with the addition of my enthusiasm and determination, I would be the best personal trainer of all time.

Well, I've been finding out in the last week that I've been basically doing everything wrong for my entire life. I have never actually been to a personal trainer and, as it turns out, my self teachings were not quite up to par.

What it all boils down to is, I'm starting from the very beginning. And, while I do think it's very achievable, I also often think it's very frightening. What I don't want to happen is to be training someone and they ask me a simple question and I say, hey guess what? I don't have a fucking clue why your arm is bent that way. Maybe you should put some ice on it or something.

The good part is I am determined to overcome this. Two weekends ago I took the personal trainer certification course and learned an incredible amount. I took my theory test this morning and I think I did really good. I am truly amazed at how much I now know about the human body and how it works. It's actually really interesting. I can now actually name and point to almost every muscle in your body and tell you what source of energy you're using for what you are doing and where that energy is coming from. I now know how to take your resting heart rate and figure out what your target heart rate should be when you're exercising. I can take your blood pressure and actually tell you what it means. I can tell you how the blood and oxygen circulate through the cardiorespiratory system and what they're doing while they're in there. That's pretty good for two weeks no?

Last weekend I got my first aid and CPR. Although I mostly screwed around for the entire class so maybe don't depend on me to save your life or anything.

This week I've learned to create programs for all sorts of different people, I've learned to market myself and how to sell. I've attended numerous workshops and read endless articles on fitness. I even trained my first beginner client and I think it went pretty well.

There's still a long road ahead though which means a lot of reading, a lot of studying, and a lot of practicing. I wanted a challenge and boy did I get one.

The major driving force however, other than not wanting to maim someone, is that I only get paid for actual training sessions so the more clients I have, the more I get paid. Right now I only have 5 beginner clients so I'm being paid a very low rate. Once they are done their introductory sessions, I have to sell them real sessions, that's when I get paid the big bucks. Or, at least, the bigger bucks. I've never really been very strong at convincing someone to do something sober with my clothes on so this is going to be the biggest challenge. My boss said it takes about three months to build up your client base but, once you do, and if you do a good job, your new business should be 75% referral based. I've already got some marketing ideas but it's very daunting to think I need to have at least 10 full time clients in three months before I can even think about starting to pay off my massive debt and give my brother and sister in law their spare room back.

On one hand I'm really excited and up for the challenge. On the other, I think I just puked in my mouth a bit.


So, back to the title of the post, I was stuck in gridlock on the 403 today and I really had to pee and I contemplated hanging myself out the drivers side door while I was waiting but then I thought to myself, what would jesus* do? And then I decided he would probably hold it so I did.

*If I don't capitalize jesus, it's not blasphemous. Still going to heaven!


Schmutzie said...

Your new job sounds so perfect for you. Don't worry too much about the sales, because how you get along your clients is your best sales tactic, and if you are enjoying your sessions with them, they likely are, too, so you'll be fine. You are also going to be in the best shape of anyone I know. Holy crap.

May-B said...

You're going to be AWESOME. But, when you're all buff and strong... don't beat me up. Okay?

Imnotbenny said...

Two things:

1) That job sounds extremely awesome. I think you're going to be a huge success.

2) Jesus pees rainbows, so he would probably just let fly.

(I am totally allowed to make Jesus jokes, because J.C. thinks I'm funny as shit and gives me a pass.)

notquiteawake said...

Holy crap indeed.
Thanks guys!
I will not be beating anyone up. Unless they deserve it. So, basically, I will be beating a lot of people up.
Also, I didn't know jesus peed rainbows!! That's pretty impressive. It kind of makes me second guess wanting to find the pot at the end of one.
And I will do you the favour of not continuing this train of thought by making a completely classless joke. You will have to use your imagination.

LynnieC said...

I think maybe it's a good thing that there's some stuff you were doing wrong. Then when your clients are all "I've been doing this wrong for years!" you can be all "so was I, until I learned how to do it right from a trainer".

See? Silver lining.