Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The time I tried to flirt with a young Zellers employee to try and get a deal on a $75.00 vacuum or This is how low I've sunk my friends.

I had purchased, with my Airmiles, an HBC gift card for my cousin's wedding.  Sadly, she had to cancel the wedding so I decided to keep the gift card for myself as I desperately needed a vacuum. I had also purchased, with my Airmiles, an HBC gift card for myself so, with $100 in gift cards in hand, I toddled my way over to Zellers hoping to find a cheap vacuum, a cheap mop, and some cheap windpants for work.

I found the cheap mop and the windpants were an ok price, but the cheapest vacuum I could find was $75.00.  That put me at about $20.00 over budget.  I wanted all three things though, so what did I do?  I took the low road people, the very low road.  Poverty will do that to you.  I've actually tossed around the idea of taking my clothes off in return for someone fixing my car.  Any takers?  Just kidding.  I would never do that.  Unless there are any takers.

Anyways, as I was looking at the vacuums, a young Zellers lad came to ask if I needed a hand.

Me: So, is this floor model the last one you have of this kind?
Lad: I believe so, yes.
Me: Hmm....I really want this one.(I didn't, I wanted another one that was the same price but actually in a box)
Lad: Yeah, it's our last one.
Me: So, could I maybe get a discount off this one because it was used as a floor model?
Lad: Sure, I could give you 15% off.
Me: Ok, great.  Does it have any attachments? I can't seem to find them.
Lad: No, no I don't think so.
Me: That's too bad. I would kind of need the attachments to actually use the vacuum.
Lad: Yeah.(I'm pretty sure he has never used a vacuum)
Me: Darn.  I really liked this one.  Hmm...what about this.  So, this one over here is the same price(the one that I wanted in the first place)what if you gave me a discount on this one because it's the same price and I would have to settle for it because I really wanted the floor model one?(I can't believe I'm fucking doing this)
Lad: Well, that sounds fair....I'll have to ask my manager though.  Dianne!
Me: (No! Your manager is a woman!  Please don't ask your manager who is a woman.  This is not part of my plan at all.  She's going to laugh in my face and think I'm a bitch for trying to suck in a teenage boy)
Dianne: Yes?
Lad: This lady wants to know if she can have a discount on this vacuum because she really wanted the floor model but there aren't any attachments and this other one is the same price.
(I actually started hanging my head at this point because it sounds even more ridiculous as he's explaining it.)
Dianne: Ok, give her 25%
Me:(WTF?) Um..thanks.

So I walk up to the front with my vacuum, actually the kid carried it for me because I am a LADY and it rang in as $150.00 so I argued with the cashier for a while that it was actually $75.00 with 25% off and the cashier kept saying, actually, no it's $150.00 and then Dianne came back at the exact same time the kid was walking by and she yelled over "How much was that vacuum?" and he yelled "$75.00" and Dianne said "that's what it is then".  So I basically got a $150.00 vacuum for $50.00.  And probably Dianne is a lesbian.  Either way, I ended up paying $2.00 of actual cash for a vacuum, mop and some kick ass wind pants.

And was degrading myself to a teenager to get a good deal on a vacuum worth it in the end? Yes, yes it was.


May-B said...

I'm so proud! Nicely done.

Wilma said...

You are my shopping hero. Oh, heroine - cuz you're a LADY!

Anonymous said...

Way to go!

Tim said...

I have nothing but respect for your deviousness.

Hildy said...

Wow. You are my new shopping hero. An epic poem should be composed in your honour...

notquiteawake said...

You are all entirely too kind. I kind of felt cheap but now I feel awesome! I'm totally taking my clothes off at Canadian Tire tomorrow.

Hildy said...

That's a good way to get double Canadian Tire money...

farleycat said...

Your skills never cease to amaze me!