Thursday, July 23, 2009

Too much for Twitter

I love when I accidentally somehow publish half a sentence of a blog post I'm working on and then can't figure out how to delete it. Awesome.

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I had to go to a notary public last night to get some documents signed for the selling of my house which was actually more of a challenge then it sounds because I kept asking people if they knew of a "notary republic" which is what I thought it was, and it's actually really expensive to get someone to watch you sign your name and then stamp it for you. When I was on the phone with the booking agent she told me that one document would be $60.00 and every document after would be $25.00 and was that ok? And I was like, "Jesus, I guess so," and then she asked how many documents I had and I was like, "I don't know. Three?" because I was too lazy to get up and check but when I did actually check the next day there was 6 so I was pretty unhappy about the amount I would be paying but when we got there the lady was like, "It says here that it's $80.00, is that what they told you?" and I was all, "YES! Ok, well I guess I should go now before you count or add." Except I didn't say that. I think I just grabbed my papers and ran out the door really fast. It was pretty sweet.

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Today I finally went and got all the stuff I need to live in Ontario like a real person despite the fact that I've been here since February. I got my plates, license, and health card. So I guess I'm staying here for a while. In order to plate a car from out of province, I needed to get an inspection and I was really worried about it because I didn't think my car would pass but it turns out that the only thing it needed was a pair of windshield wipers which was a relief and the guy asked if I wanted to do it myself or if I wanted to buy them there and he could do it and I told him yes, he could do it because the last time I did it myself they both flew off on the highway during a storm and he laughed and said, "Really?" and then I told him that no, that wasn't really true. It actually was the last two times.

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Sometimes, when I drive, I get a little ragey and often the swears that come out of my mouth and the names that I call people are not names or swears that I would commonly use or even think of using. So, yesterday I guess I reintroduced "Fuck Face" into my vocabulary. No one was more surprised than me.

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Today I went to the chiropractor because my lower back and knees have really been bothering me lately and there was a booth set up at a charity thing last weekend and for a $40.00 donation to charity I got to go for a full assessment worth $150.00 so I went. After the "full assessment" which really didn't involve much except for a lot of waiting, the head chiropractor said that I would need to come back for a secondary "disclosure" appointment where they would tell me exactly what was wrong with me and what I could do about it, if anything, because he had some "real concerns" and I was like, "A-HA! So that's where you make your money. I'm on to your little game. Charity my ASS. How much is this "DISCLOSURE" appointment going to cost where you will tell me about all your CONCERNS?" And he said that actually it was free and that I should also get some X-rays which are also free. And I was like, "Oh. So I guess I'll see you on Monday then?"

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A client of mine told me tonight that she is going to fix me up with a single lawyer at her law firm because she "wants me to get married good" who is, not only a lawyer but a partner in the firm apparently and she told me I should email her a picture and she would send it too him and so I started asking questions about him and then asked what he had asked about me and she said he asked if I was pretty and I was like, "THAT is SO superficial," and she looked at me because I had pretty much asked the same thing except I really only asked what he LOOKED like which basically means the same thing but is more round-about so therefore less superficial in my view. And I was trying to explain that and said, "It's not like I asked if he was hot or anything," and she said that he wasn't hot but nice looking and I said that that was ok because every hot guy I know is also kind of a douche and then I thought that maybe I shouldn't say "douche" in front of a client but she agreed so it was ok. And then I said I would rather have an average looking guy who was funny than a hot guy who was a douche and she said that he IS funny and I was like, "Clever funny or idiot funny, because there's a difference." And then I think she gave up. So, anyways, should I send the old lady picture or no?


Lindzle said...

yes...send it!

And as a client...I love when you use "douche"

Anonymous said...

I would send it too, and if you can somehow photoshop her into a bikini, so much the better!

Nice move on the notary public. Very crafty. Or just lucky. It's probably more lucky than crafty. Maybe a bit of both.

Nice move on the notary public. Very clucky.

rockygrace said...

I'm a Notary Public in New York, and down here, the most we can charge is two dollars per document. Maybe I should move to Canada!

May-B said...

I can't decide which story is funnier. Now all I can do is shake my head and chuckle. Except I forgot what I was chuckling about.

notquiteawake said...

Lindzle and INB: I decided not to send the old lady picture, but thank you for your advice. I sent a real one instead! So we'll see how that goes. I may end up regreting my choice.

Rocky: I should have just driven my stuff over to you! It would have been way cheaper. AND I would get to come back to NY which I would love. Win/win.

May-B: I bet you can't wait until I do something to make a jackass of myself at your wedding hey?