Thursday, April 1, 2010


Remember that time I had a blog but never posted because every spare second I had was spent working on my crap ass Event Management Final Project and not going to the gym ever so now I feel like a fat pig?  Remember that?  Yeah, good times.

Anyways, here are a few lessons I've learned in the last week or so:

1) There are certain people who can enjoy working in a sales-driven telephone banking job.  It turns out that I'm not one of them.  I'm not sure if it's the complaining or the being talked down to or the being sworn at or the crying or the sales targets or the extremely regimented quality control that makes me hate it.  Oh, no wait.  I am sure.  It's all of those things.  All of those things make me hate it.  I think I would be ok if I just had to deal with the first four, but to tie in the aggressive sales targets really seems to have pushed me over the "not entirely enjoying my job" edge.  Way over.  And I know you're thinking, "Dude, you knew it was a sales job when you went into it didn't you?"  And, you're right.  I did know.  And I made a choice.  Basically I chose, rather than working at a job that I sort of liked that was killing my back and knees and didn't pay me enough to live, I would chose a job that did pay me enough to live but, in fact, would slowly start to suck the will to continue with that living right out of me.  I think I made the right decision but just barely.  Luckily I have my backup plan of having my dream job in Event Planning handed to me immediately after I finish my final project.  Phew right?

2) So, I was driving around in the underground parking lot at work the other day and I was about to turn the corner when I noticed a guy coming from the other direction and I was all YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY SPOT so I whipped in front of him and took the next available spot before he could even THINK about getting there and I was like, SUCKER!  And then I ran into the wall with my car.  Karma is a bitch my friends.

3) The third thing I learned this week was that I can now easily see how people completely lose their minds in gridlock traffic and just jump out of their car and start shooting people.  I could actually envision my mind snapping today as I waited for the cars in front of me to move.  I don't understand how, with three, and sometimes four, lanes of traffic there are still pockets of the highway where traffic comes to a virtual standstill.  No, actually I do understand.  It's because many many people driving on the highway should not be driving on the highway.   They should be walking.  Or taking public transit.  They should not be driving.  Or, at least, not while I'm driving.  Which is a good portion of the day it seems.  There needs to be a course or a pamphlet or something that explains the rules of the highway.  I could easily teach that course.  And it would take all of five minutes.  And everyone would have to sign a contract that showed they understood the rules.  And then we would all have ice cream.  You know, just to show how nice I am, I'm going to give all of you that course free of charge.  This is worth it's weight in gold if you're ever planning on doing some highway driving.  It will also save me from shooting you if I do happen to lose my mind at some point.  Feel free to take notes:
If there are three lanes of traffic, the one on the far right is the slow lane.  If you are one of the many many people who like to drive on a major highway at exactly the speed limit(100 km/hr for those who don't know) or under, than feel free to drive in that lane.  Feel free to go as slow as you want.  I don't care.   
HOWEVER, if you choose to go in the middle lane AND LISTEN CAREFULLY, you have to be going at least 110.  If you are uncomfortable with that, go back into the slow lane.  I don't care if someone in front of you is going 80 and you want to go 100.  I don't care.  Stay in the slow lane because, technically at 100, you are still a slow person.  You're just going to have to deal with that.  There is no reason at all why you should be going under 110 in the middle lane.  Maybe if you suddenly go blind.  Or have a heart attack.  Then it's ok. 
The lane on the far left is the FAST lane.  Fast.  You need to go fast in this lane.  If you are going under 120 you are not going fast.  Change lanes.  If I am behind you and you're only going 100 in this lane don't ever stop anywhere because I may get out of my car and hurt you.  There is no reason AT ALL why you should be going slower than 120 in this lane.  Even if you suddenly go blind or have a heart attack.  If this happens to you, just swerve to the right so I can pass you.  What ever happens to you after that is in God's hands I guess.

And, speaking of God,  Happy Easter everyone!

Best. Segway. Ever.


Lindzle said...

you must have learned to teach that class at the Toronto Watson school of driving. Welcome to the big city ain't in Regina any longer. Now you know why this city just won the award for worst traffic commute city IN THE WORLD. Here's something to look forward season begins in a matter of days.

Amanda said...

I cannot agree more. I just spent 24 hours driving within a 4 day time span last week. Also? if you want to pass someone who is in the middle lane, but aren't ready to commit to putting your big girl panties on in the fast lane, PASS AND THEN MOVE BACK INTO THE MIDDLE LANE. Why is that so hard? This especially applies to truckers, WTF is wrong with them? Why do you pass another truck who is just BARELY slower than you?

I hate sales. HATE. I spent a year in sales and it was horrid. I still have panic attacks. Here's to that event planning job that's gonna be waiting soon!

notquiteawake said...

Ha! Big girl panties. That's awesome. That drive, however, sounds like pure hell.
Lindzle, you just made me cry. said...

boo hiss to a bad bad week.

are there any non-sales jobs at your company? It's too bad your division didn't throw more parties. Maybe if there was a party or event going on in the call-centre, callers-inners (is that what they are called?) would be less grouchy and you'd hit more targets. Because nothing says "give me a new visa!" like the sound of steel drums and people doing the limbo in the background. I think you should write a proposal.

Hutch said...

I was just saying the other day how I would love to teach a driving and pedestrian etiquette course. For example, if you're crossing a parking lot or any road where cars are waiting, cross at a straight line not at an angle, taking up even more time out of MY day. For cars, if you're going to make a right turn and are slowing down to 5 miles an hour (don't know the metric system) waaaay before the turn, please get over into the bike lane (as taught in drivers ed) to allow those of us who have somewhere to be pass you.

There's more, but I'll save it all for a post someday :)

notquiteawake said...

erin, the funny thing is, I had taken this job because I was told I would be able to advance into something else if I just made it through the sales part. However, I was not told that I have to work there for a year first and for that entire year meet all my sales and quality targets. And I also have to do this if I ever want to see a raise. I think I'm just going to start going into work drunk.

Hutch, we should write a book.

dorkvader said...

Oh gosh, the way people drive some days is enough to make me scream! Even sitting in the passenger seat, the traffic can still drive me nuts.
I vote you become THE authority on driving.

Jackee said...

LOL! Happy Easter to you too.

Not too much damage to your car, hopefully?

And my brother-in-law's blog now has a follower side bar if you're interested. :o)