Monday, August 2, 2010

Good Morning!

This morning I opened my patio door and was very unpleasantly surprised to find a small dead animal on my welcome mat.  Or, more accurately, pieces of a small dead animal covered in flies and wasps.  It took me a few seconds to actually register what I was looking at but then, after almost puking on my carpet, I forced myself to clean it up before I had breakfast.  Not that I felt like eating anything.

Now, I must say my first reaction was to just close the door and pretend it wasn't there until my morning stomach had settled but, seeing as my patio doors are glass and I eat my breakfast right beside them, I figured I would just suck it up, not call my landlord, and clean it up myself.   Plus my landlord wasn't home but, whatever.

As I was picking up the chunks of whatever small creature it happened to have been, aside from thinking that this was the most fucking disgusting thing I've ever done, I was also thinking that THIS is why I need a boyfriend.  I need a boyfriend who I can call in situations like this and be like, "Hey.  There's dead shit on my patio.  Please come and clean it up".

But then after he was done he'd probably want to stay and hang out and I'd be all, "No, you have to leave because I'm going to spin class, I'll call you after I've had a couple of beers and feel like having sex," so I'm a bit torn about the whole situation.  Have a boyfriend and not have to clean dead shit off my patio and have sex when I want or not have a boyfriend and have the freedom of doing what I want all the time.

Isn't it funny how I'm making this seem like I actually have a choice?  Because there are so many dudes wanting to date me right now.  So many.

So, then I went to spin class and I've been to spin class before but not this particular spin class and, holy shit, this particular spin class almost killed me.  At the end she's like, "Two more tracks left!" and I'm like, "Thank christ!" and then after the two tracks I was so proud of myself because I actually did it and she's like, "Who wants to do one more!??!!" and I yelled, "NO!!" but then everyone else put up their hand so she's like, "Yeah! Let's push it!!" and then I started crying a little bit.

But at least I can't walk now so that's good. Plus my knee is throbbing.

So, all in all, pretty worth getting up today.

Actually, all negativity aside, it was a really good workout and I liked it.  Plus the not being able to walk gives me a really good excuse to do nothing for the rest of the day.

Sweet.

6 comments:

Amanda said...

That's definitely one of the best things about having a husband. I haven't had to kill a bug for 5 years.

Hutch said...

No seriously, why can't we have both a boyfriend and freedom? Although I suppose the bf should be someone you want to spend all your time with.

notquiteawake said...

Very good point Hutch. That may be where I've been going wrong...

Amanda, maybe I just need to get one of my friends to loan me their husband to kill stuff. Or clean up killed stuff.

Teacher Lady said...

I mainly wish I had a man when
- I had a mouse problem in my apartment
- I scrap my car windows in winter
- I need to carrying heavy things long distances

notquiteawake said...

Me too Teacher Lady! I was thinking that when I was carrying home the vacuum I bought this weekend. Is it a bad thing when there are less reasons to want a boyfriend then to not want one? And most of them aren't really that important? Hm. I should make a list.

Anonymous said...

gross! i pulled up to park in my driveway behind my husband's car & found the same thing on his trunk yesterday! it was about the size of my hand covered in wasps. he said it looked like the remains of a furry bird.