I have been crazy busy, yo. We are very busy at work and that extreme business, coupled with my extreme laziness, has sadly prevented me from sharing my exciting life with you.
And I actually have had kind of an exciting life lately. Or, at least, an exciting period. And that period was the 4 days I spent in the larger than life, completely different world, adult playground of Las Vegas.
It would have been really fun if I could have supplemented this post with the endless descriptive pictures I took of my adventures but, in reality, I took about 5. And they were all blurry because I took them with my Blackberry. And I was also very likely drunk. So you're just going to have to use your imagination.
If you're of the great minority who has never been to Vegas(which I was until two weeks ago) I can't actually put into words how incredible it is. How incredibly giant and crazy it is and how it's like stepping into an entirely different world where everything is loud and fun and larger than life. Where you can order a frozen Margarita at a restaurant and walk around the street with it. Where everyone is happy and everything's a party. Where there are giant hotels the size of several city blocks with giant malls and giant theaters with giant shows. Where everything is always open and it's never quiet and nothing ever ends.
I've never experienced anything like it before. And I was in love with it from beginning to end. The weather was awesome. I lounged by the pool. I shopped like I had money and not just credit cards. I went to clubs that had giant waterfalls on the patios and where women lounged in colored water filled bathtubs. I went to my first Cirque show and watched the entire thing with my jaw perpetually dropped, trying to calculate how much strength it takes to shimmy up a metal pole, flip upside down, let yourself fall head first and catch yourself with your inner thighs millimeters from the stage floor.
And, man, did I spend money. I've heard from several people that Vegas is a cheap vacation and let me say to those people, you are liars. Or boring. Vegas is expensive my friends. Especially if you're a man. And I am not clearly but I honestly feel sorry for those in Vegas who are. I spent the majority of my money on cab fare, food, and shopping. If I had to actually pay to get into clubs, which generally charge $40.00-$60.00 cover, I would be far worse off monetarily than I am right now. However, because I'm a woman, and because I was more often than not with three other women, I got in to every club for free. And, not only did we get in for free, we also usually got escorted in by a bouncer with the promise of free drinks. And those weren't just empty promises.
And, of course, after the free drinks it was just a matter of finding a dude who wanted to buy you another one. And that was generally pretty easy. Because about 9 out of 10 of the guys at clubs in Vegas are trying to pick up. And those odds worked for me just fine. I have never been more glad to be a woman than I was for those 4 days. And if you can't take advantage of a situation like that in Vegas, where can you? Answer: Nowhere.
Basically, if you're feeling old and unattractive and want an ego boost, Vegas is the place to go. I got ID'd several times and may or may not have bet a guy I could find a 21 year old to make out with on the dance floor. And I may or may not have won. And I may or may not feel more proud than embarrassed. How did I know he was 21? I made him show me his passport. Yes I did.
It is NOT pathetic. He was cute. Probably.
Now, all of this being said, I will not be going back to Vegas soon. I did have the time of my life and I will be going back again at some point but this is not a lifestyle I can live for more than 4 days without wanting to end my life. Maybe I did(or not) make out with a 21 year old but, in reality, I'm 35 and I cannot in any way party like I did when I was 21. I was so exhausted by the end of this trip that it literally took me a week to recover. And, as you know, I don't use the word "literally" loosely.
And, truth be told, I was super tame compared to the rest of my friends. I came home at 2am when they would come home at 10am. And by "come home" I mean leave some strange dude's hotel room(my friends, not me). I actually stayed home one night when the rest of them went out because I couldn't actually fathom what my body would do to me after clubbing for three nights in a row.
So, I didn't party as hard as I could have and I didn't pick up any guys and I didn't go to any hotel rooms and I didn't go crazy like I used to but you know what? I'm pretty ok with that. I just don't really have the urge anymore to compromise my safety and health and drink myself into a blackout and pick up strange guys in strange places. And, honestly, if I could have changed anything about my experience in Vegas it would have been to party less and go to more shows and see more cool things. And if that makes me old than I guess I'm old.
But I also don't have chlamydia.
And really? That is a true mark of a successful trip.